I AM Summer Finn

I've been referred to as a bit of a 'Summer Finn' (500 days of Summer), more than once, and after some thinking, she is made to look like a bitch in the film, when in fact she's not a bitch, she's just not your typical, everyday, 'marry me, lovey dovey' girl. So why is it men are allowed to be wankers who don't believe in love OR nice guys who believe in love, when girls are only allowed one option, and that is to be a doting, dress wearing, clothe ironing, man loving piece of meat? Why?

I'll tell you why, it's because for years women have given in and fallen for the male charm that spreads through our culture like a disease. Sure, men hold the door open for a 'lady' and that's all well and good, but we have arms also, and are perfectly capable of pulling or pushing a door for ourselves, really, they're not that mind-boggling. I appreciate that there is, somewhere, a happy medium, where the woman is equal to the man in a relationship ; where the woman holds the door for a man, and the man cooks the woman breakfast in bed, and they BOTH like watching action movies, but these relationships don't come along everyday, and I have to ask why?

I know some women are content in being someones possession, and that's fine, if that makes them 'happy' then so be it, but it's not for me.

Several times I have been asked, 'Why are you single?' To which I have no answer apart from, 'Because I want to be.' Is that so shocking, that a girl actually WANTS to be on her own, not tied down to ONE man? I've also had people say, 'Your boyfriend's very lucky.' Before even asking me whether or not I am in a relationship. It's as though they automatically assume that a girl with tits and blue eyes has a man at home.

I'm not a feminist, not at all. I don't believe I have to fight for women's rights; Emily Davison did that and look where it got her - squished under the pounding hooves of a racehorse. No, I'm happy with how women are treated, that's not my issue. I don't want to preach and cry about letting women vote and letting women speak. That's all been done and I don't see why some women make such a fuss about being feminists and being heard. There are a sh*t load of powerful women out there, just as there are men. As there should be. BOTH. EQUAL.

As it so happens, I'm not in denial of having fallen for this 'charm' every so often, it's fun and makes you feel good about yourself, but in reality, it's all a bit bullshitty isn't it?

The thing is, I'm struggling a little bit, because it seems I have fallen into quite the trap. I HAVE in fact, met someone who would throw a coat over a puddle for me to get across, or change his plans according to mine. And although I'm against all that, I have to be honest and say it's not these things that make me love him, it's everything else, it's not what he would do or does, it's something else.
Even the fact I can say I love him is a massive step for me, as many of my closest friends and family know. But that's what's so amazing about it..

You hear people all the time say they've found 'the one', and they're 'in love', and it's 'real', and then
 the following week, you'll hear the same person say they've found someone new, and that this one is now 'the one.' Clearly stating that LOVE is not real. But then, one runs into your path one day, and initially you're a disbeliever of love, or anything close to that word, but that can all change, apparently.

I was, a love cynic. The word made me shudder, the thought was unthinkable, and in fact, I didn't believe in it at all. I had no reason not to; my parents have been married for over 25 years, they've never split, and so I've grown up with two parents who are.... 'in love' I suppose.  But still, I was convinced it didn't exist. And if I'm honest, I'm still not sure......

BUT.... LIGHT AT THE END OF A TUNNEL!!!!! I do, whatever it means, love this person.
I don't think he appreciates what it means for me to say that, which makes it even harder for me to believe it myself. If someone starts doubting what you say, you start doubting it yourself, right?

I also know that some people think the way I feel about 'love', is put on. Because of course, I have to believe in 'love', I must, the world revolves around it?............. No it doesn't, there is so much more to life than a four letter word. When I've said I don't believe in it, people react in two ways;

Shock and an eyebrow raise

OR

'That's a lie. Come on Daisy, we know you believe in it really.'

Well people, with your two reactions, I'm afraid it's not a lie.
Some people don't believe in God, some people do.
Some people don't believe in life on Mars, some people do.
Most people believe in love, a few don't.

Back to what I was saying about him.
I think, if 'love' is a real thing, it's where you can argue with a person and know how to resolve it. It's where you can make mistakes and know how to move on from them. It's when you know that they really mean 'sorry', when they say it. It's not flawless. It's not smooth. But when it is, it's the best feeling ever.

Other things that make you feel that good:


Horse Riding in the woods.
Performing.
Finishing a piece of art that's taken you months.
Weed.

I think it's where you can look the person in the eye for a long time without having to say anything.
I assume that the fact two people can lie in complete comfort with each other in silence has something to do with 'el o vee ee.'

I don't really know, I'm sure everyone's opinions are different, because everyone feels something different when it comes to that word.

The fact is, I do 'love' him. It's buggering annoying, because you start out thinking it'll all be so simple and lovely because you share the same interests, and you both like going for walks and watching birds fly and having sex on the floor and doing lifts in next door's kitchen. But unfortunately, a little thing called 'life' gets in the way and starts to put ripples in the pond. But all ripples come to an end eventually, don't they? And then you're left with a still pond, that's beautiful and untouched.

I guess I'm saying 'love' isn't real unless it's what I feel right now. Which is soppy, lame, untrue, selfish, self-centred and rude to all the believers out there, but a girl's gotta say what a girl's gotta say.

For now, although it may come to an end, and the mountain may start crumbling and an avalanche may form and kill all the brave mountain climbers, for now, I love this person.
I don't think you NEED love to get through every day, I don't think the world revolves around it but it seems to be a good place to start.
I'm sure he or I will wake up one day and not have those feelings for one reason or another. I'm sure some destructive little bastard will put their foot in it and explode the whole thing. Or.... it will come to a mutual end where we're both just like 'cool, so, mates?' And that's fine, but I'm not thinking about that time. I'm thinking about now and this person. He's proper cool and stuff. I just have to be able to voice half this stuff instead of hiding behind a screen and blog.

And when you read this, boy, tell your brain to calm down. Thinking isn't always the answer.

Goodnight and farewell.