too many stuffed animals in my bed

I'm almost twenty, and still there are several stuffed animals taking over my bed. I barely have room to sleep most nights, because I feel too cruel to make them sleep on the floor. But tonight may be the night I get cruel on their stuffed arses and starfish the f**k out of this single bed.

Let me talk you through the variety of stuffed...things I have here, crowding around me...

One is a banana. A stuffed banana with a face. It unzips. Like a real banana, you can peel his skin down, no pun intended, and underneath is a paler banana face.

Another is a large Daisy Duck my best one bought me a couple years back.

Then there's a tiny Daisy Dick, also bought as a present from a special one. Almost three years ago now.

Duck* not DICK

Number four is an owl. A stuffed owl pillow with buttons for eyes.

And last but not least, lurching beneath my right shoulder, is an owl hot water bottle. This, my friends, I know would not class as a stuffed animal, but nevertheless it sleeps in bed with me... And it's not welcome tonight. Every time I move it makes watery sounds.

I will not throw out my stuffed animals, but tonight...they sleep on the floor!

Dear stuffed creatures of the bed world,

For my comfort, pleasure and need for sleep, I feel it is only right for you to sleep on the floor, just for tonight.

All my love, Me.